four (or is it three?).

 i guess i should start packing stuff up. there’s just so much crap right now strewn about my room that i don’t know where to begin. my desk is filled with papers to file and projects i wanted to finish. my closet is full of clothes i might need for camp but probably won’t. my bed is covered with the things i bought fo camp that i will definitely be bringing but as of now have no official place. my futon is blanketed with things from the movie christian and i made (there is no way i will finish editing that before i leave for camp). my floor in general is just cluttered with everything: clothes, groceries, items for camp, trash, more clothes. i did all my laundry last week, but i haven’t folded it yet, so it’s just crammed into a laundry basket in my closet. if i fold them, it means i have to put them away, because i won’t be taking all of them, which means i’ll have to put them in my dresser, even though i’ll just be taking everything back out when i get back. it shouldn’t bother me, but it does a little. i’m not sure why.

tonight i went to go see the hangover part 2 with zack and ryan. we were going to go see thor, but then something switched around and they wanted to see hangover 2 with their friend. when we found out they couldn’t without a parent, i was sort of relieved. however, we got to the theatre and they still thought we were going to somehow sneak in to see the hangover. the other kid’s dad was there and totally okay with it. after a lot of waiting around for someone to make a decision (because for some reason i wasn’t stepping up), i finally told them i was buying a ticked for the new pirates movie, because thor wasn’t playing at the same time. ryan did the same, but then he realized we could switch the tickets after everyone else did, and so after all of that we ended up seeing the hangover anyway. i was annoyed for being so weak. and guess what? i hated it. it was filled with nudity and language and crass humor, and i was uncomfortable sitting next to the guys who i’d mentored as a wyldlife leader for a year pretending to laugh at all the right parts. especially after a year in eric, austin and david’s bible study, i couldn’t help but notice how blatantly this movie must be used by the devil to tempt me especially into sin with what they see and hear.

i sort of mentioned this to both of them, but not in any way that i think stuck. i don’t know. that was sort of the first time something like that has come up. i feel like i should have handled it a lot better. but it’s done and the Lord’s will was fulfilled. even if i don’t necessarily understand it.

only a few days til camp. crazy insane exciting unknown exciting. i’m ready to meet the people i’ll be working with. i still, of course, have things that need to be done here first, but i’m actually starting to wish i was just there already. i just wish i could skip the transition, you know? that’d be a lot easier.

Lord, You love me in spite of who i am and what i’ve done and continue to do day after day. Your love is a mystery. i don’t understand it. but i do know without a doubt that You will give me Your strength so that i can overcome even the toughest temptations. thank You for Your grace and Your mercy, undeserved as it is. i ask that You would give me a desire for Your word and a passion for Your will. amen.

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