well, the newburgh wyldlife position isn’t open for me. which really sucks, if i’m being honest. i really was hoping that maybe seth told me about it because he was wanting me to apply, or that God brought it to my attention for the same reason. so this summer i won’t be on wyldlife staff. this does not mean, however, that i can’t be involved in wyldlife. i just won’t get paid for it. as if that’s the reason i did it in the first place anyway… i just love these kids. it is way more than worth it to me to get a different job over the summer and hang out with them as an unofficial leader. i’m totally okay with that (if it’s God’s will… we’ll see).
and that’s just how i’m looking at it now. this was just God’s very obvious way of telling me that it wasn’t part of His will for me to be on staff. and i am okay with that, because God knows what He’s doing and has my best interests at heart, even if i don’t know what they are. heck, mrs. darling just offered me a job over the summer to babysit for the guys. it’s not full tie by any means, but it’s definitely an option if i’m home for the summer. just another reason to stay, right? i don’t know.
i still haven’t heard back from steve. part of me doesn’t want to call him becaue if i do, he might say i’ve been accepted, and then i’d have to make a decision. i don’t know if being home is something that’s just come up now that i’m back, but i’m definitely leaning in the direction now. like i’ve decided it. but i still don’t know if that’s God’s will… i think at this point it’s sort of what christy was telling me. God’s will is eventually going to be accomplished or finalized in this area by me making a decision. i’ve just got to man up and make one.
tomorrow is the first of the interviews. once they’re both done, it’ll help.
here would be the best case scenario, knowing the facts i know right now: todd bussey would have a job at crossroads for me, i’d babysit for mrs. darling, and i’d be able to be involved in wyldlife. that would be the best case scenario, in my mind. so ‘ll email todd and see if there’s anything. obviously i’d just love to spend my summer volunteering with kids. i would totally do that if money were not an issue; as in, if i didn’t have to earn it this summer. but it would be irresponsible not to. i think.
Lord, i just need Your guidance on this one. i want to know what You want me to do. You know that i hate not knowing what’s ahead. i hate it. there’s nothing i can do, nothing i can plan, until i know. and i do trust You. i trust You above all else, myself especially. help me not to shy away from a decision because i’m scared or nervous. but i also pray that You would make Your will abundantly clear to me. thank You.
with that, i’m gonna dig into the word and go to bed.